| | Security: | | | Subject: | SWEETTTTT | | Time: | 10:14 am | | Current Mood: |  content |
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| I think that everything in my life is pretty much falling into place.... a good place. My family is nice to me....even though i got in trouble with them. Tony and i seem to always be able to work things out just fine. I miss him but its something that is more like a constant thing that i learned to live with like i am having a good day but itd be better if he was here with me. I want to be with him for a long time and i hope that we can do that. it be so great cause he is so awesome. i feel like my college life isnt much of a life but i am focusing on my studies more than making friends. I have a job so that is good. and i have some sort of like note taking thing thats ganna give me some mulla. its all good. my roomy and i are good friends so that is good.
yeah i have breaks coming up!!! woo hooo ! long times at home are great things! I get to see tony and that is good cause he is nice to see. And i get to see my friends as well cause we like seeing eachother.
oh and i lost 16 pounds since the begining of school!!!
suck on that freshman fifteen | comments: Leave a comment   |
| I feel so terrible. I have been and am feeling so sad in these past two weeks combined than i have been this whole like year. i dont know why i feel so sad. its prolly a mix of memories of the past (i am tearing up right now cause it smells like my old camper and i had good times in it with my sisters and cousins when i was young) or missing my friends, or missing the people that i want the most and cant have them, or feeling depressed or not knowing what track my life is on, not feeling in control of my schedule and that it controls me, and maybe its because i feel that i dont really have anyone to go to when i feel sad because there is only one person in my life right now that might be able to help but i dont feel comfortable or dont know if i can trust my feelings with them. i just dont know what to do. i have been thinking about suicide a lot lately. i dont think thats too good. maybe its something that just happens in peoples lives or something. a college thing of feeling lost. i just feel like i have to start a new because no one is on the same track as i am. i miss my friends from perpich so much. they were so on the same page with me. right now i just want to run away. i dont want to have to have this duty that i have right now and have to go to school. i dont feel happy. its not good.
i jsut wnat to be a robot and have someone flip my switch on me when i am finished with what i need to do for today so that i dont have to feel anymore untill my time comes that i have another job to do. i hate having nothing when i have everything that i need. i just want to like stop having two bodies. it seems like there is this miriam who has to do the normal things in life and does her duty well. and then there is this other miriam who feels so many things and just keeps them inside cause there is nowhere for them to go and all she wants to do is sit in a field somewhere and fall asleep and dream.
i think i have been having very troubling dreams lately . they bother me. maybe its because i am changing. i miss my life 2 months ago. i miss summer and my friends i made in bemidji. i miss having my own life. i hate having a life that i have to pay for instead of being able to live like i want i have to live how i need to.
maybe i am just not human because i think that these are things that normal people do. i dont thnk i have grown up yet at all. | | comments: Leave a comment |
| | Security: | | | Subject: | cool | | Time: | 11:48 pm |
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Congrats! You are my favorite, Fufu Berry! And for
doing so, you get a hug! Yay! Ok now, you are
really kinda strange But in a good way! You are
fun, and happy, and usually hyper! Some people
call you insane, and thats because you just
might be. But thats ok! Because I still love
you!
What Flavor of Jones Soda Are You? (Fun Pictures!)
brought to you by Quizilla
OMG!!! i totally love fufu berry too! and i was totally called crazy today omg this is weird but i love it. neeto | | comments: Leave a comment |
| I am going out with Tony.
I am going to Stout for college for studio art.
Justin is a great person.
I am very happy with my life.
I dont hate anyone.
I might be doing a comic book.
I am working on a trypdic painting for my church.
I am sad that school is done but i am seeing friends now and then.
I miss everyone.
I dont hate anyone now.
I have gone to an art workshop this summer and to california on a road trip.
The road was beautiful.
My van is dieing and it died on me today.
I am happy.
I have a dog named trixie.
and now i want to go to perkins. mmmmmmmm | | comments: 4 comments or Leave a comment |
| | Security: | | | Subject: | wow. | | Time: | 04:43 pm |
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| things are being resolved and its cool.
today for the first time in a long time i did my homework all after school right away. accept for art history which is antoher story.
i found out yesterday that there is this girl kelsey that wants to meet me. i think its cool that someone noticed me. she seems like a cool person. i hope i become friends with her. she seems nice.
i got a FULL scholarship to AEI this summer. its like this workshop thing in bemidji for teachers in art. and i got a work study there so i get to do it as well! its so exciting that i got a FULL scholarship to it. i think Armondo is going which will be cool. but sometiems i get this creepy feeling that he wants to rape me or something. maybe its just my altered perception of teachers. because its cool how he'll like hold your shoulder or stuff like that. he jsut wanted me to stay in the dorms for the workshop thing which i think is a nice opportunity but not the most important.
also i am going to talk about this a little because it scares me. Birdie was nice in mentioning me. she says i was nice and she was a bitch. i agree but reluctantly. you're forgiven. but i dont want to become her friend again because i have already tried 3 times and she rejects/dumps our friendship every time. she is nice when she's nice. but no i dont think its going to happen like it used to for a long time. i cant trust her with any of my emotions cause i dont want to become an attached friend just like a cool one at that like go out to eat wiht her or anything cause that'll prolly get trashed too.
sorry.
but all in all i am very satisfied i suppose. things are cool.
oh and i got my cast off! yay for that! but my hand hurts just like it used to so that is very dissapointing. | | comments: Leave a comment |
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faseoca's journal
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